Your little children, once clinging to you with unwavering dependence, have entered their adolescent years. I remember spending my adolescence in a state of constant indecision, unsure if I was an adult or a child, and confused about how to navigate social interactions. Let me refresh your memory of the angst, discovery, and the overwhelming feeling of invisibility.
Remember the times you felt present, yet unnoticed? It felt like being a background character in a sitcom, stuck in an invisible zone. I recall my adolescence as a vibrant yet often turbulent time, a period that can leave even the most seasoned parents feeling unprepared to navigate uncharted waters. As the familiar shores of childhood recede, the vast ocean of adulthood looms. Here are some time-tested and some new tips to guide young adults through these exciting and sometimes perplexing adolescent years.
Adolescence is a whirlwind of hormonal shifts, rapidly increasing independence, and a quest for identity that can rival a major search operation. Remember, your children are on the verge of adulthood. They exist in that fascinating in-between period of life, grappling with complex emotions and forming their own opinions, which may often drastically differ from yours! After all, they are yearning for autonomy while still needing our guidance.
During this time, open and honest conversation is the most valuable tool in your parenting arsenal. However, the adolescent brain often operates on a different frequency. Sometimes, all they need is a listening ear, even if their distress seems trivial to us. Resist the urge to offer solutions or judgments immediately. A simple, "Tell me more," works wonders. Not every disagreement needs to escalate into a conflict. Determine what truly matters and let the smaller issues pass.
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Create safe spaces for dialogue. These could be regular events like dinner time, or more casual settings like a walk, or sharing a cup of tea, all of which can provide opportunities for relaxed conversations. Let them know they can approach you without fear of immediate criticism. Always respect their privacy. While it's natural to be concerned, constantly snooping through their phones or diaries will erode trust. Establish clear boundaries and respect their need for personal space. Foster their independence by gradually releasing some control.
As Nepali parents, our instinct is often to protect and provide. However, young adulthood is about learning to navigate life's challenges independently. Respect their efforts and offer subtle guidance when asked. Delegate responsibilities by entrusting them with more tasks around the house and in their own lives. This builds confidence and a sense of ownership. Support their decisions, even if you disagree. While you can offer your perspective, ultimately, they need to learn from their own choices, within safe boundaries, of course. Be there to support them through the consequences, both good and bad.
Encourage exploration. Whether it involves pursuing a unique hobby, exploring different career paths, or even traveling with proper planning and safety measures, encourage them to step outside their comfort zones and discover their passions. I know it is difficult, but resist the urge to micromanage. Trust that you've instilled good values in them. Constant interference can frustrate them, stifle their growth, and lead to resentment.
Help them navigate the social and digital world. The landscape our adolescents navigate is vastly different from our own. Social media, online friendships, and the constant barrage of information present new challenges and opportunities. Be open to learning about their world. Take an interest in their online activities and social circles. Ask them to explain their favorite apps or trends. This shows you care and helps you understand their world better. Ask them to recommend books they've read, so you can discuss them together.
Discuss responsible digital citizenship. Talk to them about online safety, cyberbullying, and the importance of critical thinking when consuming online content. Work with them to set healthy boundaries for screen time, and encourage a balance between their digital lives and real-world interactions. Family time should ideally be screen-free.
Watch the shows they enjoy and discuss the themes and topics with them. Enjoy the games they like to watch. I learned to appreciate basketball with my children. My father encouraged me to listen to cricket commentary, and he would stay in touch by asking about the scores and players. These are opportunities to glimpse the way their minds work and to start conversations. Also, include them in the planning process at home. Involve them in decision-making and accept their suggestions, if applicable. If not, gently help them refine their ideas.
While embracing modernity, it's crucial to gently guide our young adults toward the core values that define our Nepali culture: respect for elders, strong family bonds, community spirit, and a sense of responsibility. Our actions speak louder than words. Demonstrate the values you wish to instill in them through your behavior. Encourage their involvement in family and community, whether it's participating in family poojas, helping with community initiatives, or simply spending time with grandparents. These experiences reinforce our cultural heritage. Carefully discuss the importance of Maryada (Respect) and Kartavya (Duty) in a way that resonates with their understanding. Talk about the significance of respecting elders, fulfilling their responsibilities, and contributing positively to society.
Amidst the whirlwind of growing up, it's easy to forget that our young adults are still developing and still figuring things out. They will make mistakes. They will have moments of insecurity and confusion. Our role is to be their steady anchor, offering unwavering love, support, and understanding. Practice empathy by trying to see the world through their eyes, even if their perspectives seem unfamiliar. Offer unconditional love, and let them know your love is not contingent on their academic performance or social standing.
Celebrate their achievements, big or small. Acknowledge their efforts and celebrate their successes, no matter how minor they may seem. Make sure not to overemphasize academic performance. Celebrate learning itself. I still remember celebrating when my sons got 1 mark instead of 0 in Nepali in their 7th and 8th grade. They had just arrived from the USA after eight years. They both ended up scoring 70% in Nepali in their SLC exam.
Finally, parenting adolescents is a journey filled with challenges and immense rewards. This journey starts early, as early as childhood. Parents need to start building trust and friendship with their children as they grow. Keep in mind that friendships and trust are not built in a day. They take time—about 10 to 12 years. Build those bridges now so that you and your child can cross them when needed most.
